Life, Measured in Depth: A Conversation with Lauren Kolodin.
Some books are written. Others are poured out before you've had the chance to think too hard about it. Lauren Kolodin's “how to live; written by a girl who's going to die” is the second kind. Luna is twenty-four and dying. Living in Los Angeles, recently diagnosed with a brain tumor and given six months, she does what most of us only think about doing — she writes it all down.
What she leaves behind is part diary for her little sister, part handbook for the rest of us. Raw and intimate; a guide to being alive, written by someone who finally understands what that means. First-time author Lauren Kolodin tells us all about it.
Publishing a book about mortality and meaning is an act of vulnerability, and can be seen as a "taboo topic". What did it take to actually let it out into the world?
I think my only real fear was that I didn’t write this book in the “correct” way. I didn’t format it correctly. There’s mistakes even still in it now. I edited the whole book myself for a year, so I missed a few errors. But other than that fear - It was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. It didn’t take anything oddly.
What made you want to write this book? Was there a cultural moment, a personal feeling, or a gap you noticed in what was being written about?
I had always known I was going to write a book. I had this very clear path etched in my brain since I was 8 or 9. I wanted to be in entertainment. I wanted to be an actress/singer until I was 35, have a family around then, and then start writing a book around 40. That was always this dream I had. But when my father passed, the timeline in my mind changed. I had so much to say and didn’t understand why I was waiting. The idea came to me in the shower on January 2nd, 2024. I literally got out of the shower and started writing, with shampoo still in my hair.
One idea that really stayed with me is that maybe things don't happen for a reason — but that we're the ones who give them meaning afterwards. Is this your own philosophy too, or did writing Luna help you find it, a quiet resistance to the "everything happens for a reason" view so many of us grow up with?
That has been my philosophy since my father died. I don’t believe there is a bigger reason he’s not walking me down the aisle, or wasn’t at my book launch, or won’t meet my first child. But I think in everything we do and feel, we have a choice. There is a step you take after every devastation. You can go left or right, up or down. And I think people need to give themselves more credit for the good paths they take.
How did the writing process actually look for you: was it linear, chaotic, emotional? Did the book change as you wrote it?
It was definitely not linear. I wrote the first 40 pages in the first 2 days of writing. It just spilled out. And then I gave myself a final date it had to be done, which was December 31st 2024. I let myself write when I felt drawn to it or something inspired me in life to write more. On December 1st, I was 60 pages short of how many pages I wanted the book to be. So I called a friend in NY, locked myself in her empty apartment in a rainy and cold place, and finished the book in 4 days.
The book speaks directly to the reader, breaking the fourth wall. That's a bold structural choice. What made you want to break the distance between the story and the person reading it?
I think that choice came from just developing the character. It started out truly like a diary entry. So I followed Luna’s choices. It just felt right on spot with how I would think she would operate.
There's something very particular about being a woman in your twenties — the pressure to have it all figured out while quietly carrying so much uncertainty. Is that something you felt yourself while writing Luna?
I don't think pressure was a thought. I think the only thought I really had was "she is so young and doesn't have much time left" and now she's really able to understand that so how would someone who's understanding death and time at such a young age react. That was kind of my biggest thought behind writing Luna.
What do you hope this book contributes — to the conversation around how we live, how we face the hard things, or simply to what literature can do?
I hope this book gives people their time back. Time is the most valuable thing we have and people waste a ton of it being upset over things that won’t matter in a week, a month, a year. And I just wanted people to change their relationship with time. As I said in the book - Life isn’t measured in length, like how long you’re here. I don’t think it’s measured in height, ei. how high you go. I think life is measured in depth - how deep you got with it… how much you loved. And I want people to realize that before it’s too late.
Writing a book about how to live, how to find meaning, how to face the hardest things — does that raise the stakes for everything you write afterwards? What does writing look like for you now, after this?
I think I will always write from the same place of just wanting to tell riveting stories, no matter how big or small or dense or tragic. I think the stakes stay the same, because as I kind of say in the book, nothing matters. So if anything, it puts that into perspective now more than ever. I write just because I like to write. and I try to do everything in life the same way. The book just solidified that belief I have.
how to live; written by a girl who's going to die is available now.